Finding Our Center By Deanna Joseph
	A few weeks ago I was visiting with my friend Danielle.  We were trying to have a grown up conversation, but between her 11 month old and 5 year old and my 5 year old and 7 year old, our conversation was constantly turning to the subject of sippy cups, snack time, and sleep deprivation.   As she picked up her son for the 12th time while fetching a snack for the kids she heaved a sigh and said “how do you do it?”     “How do I do what?” I replied.     “Say so centered and calm.”   After I finished laughing I told her that had I been home alone with my kids at that very moment I would easily appear as frazzled as she seemed to be feeling.     But she did ask a very good question.  How do moms find time for spiritual pursuits?  What sorts of spiritual pursuits can they do with their children?  Are all moms frazzled?  Do other moms fall asleep while trying to meditate?  Do other moms actually get to meditate?   How does a mom find her center?   These are questions I am suddenly inspired to ask myself while going through my busy day.    I’m a Mom.  And not only am I a mom, but I’m a homeschooling mom, which means my kids are around me practically 24-7.   My “busy” day consists of life with my children.   And though we homeschool, we follow a very liberal method, which means no desks or limitations and as much freedom as we can handle.  And while I find being at home with my children very fulfilling, there is sometimes a part of me that envies the spiritual and meditational practices that other women seem to manage.   I cannot remember the last time I actually got to “meditate.”   It has been a few years; my mom happened to be here watching my kids so I locked myself out in the garage.   I enjoyed a full 30 minutes of meditative freedom and refreshment.   But is that what it takes?  Locking oneself in the garage? Over the years I have read of the importance of setting up a meditational space to find one’s center, and these books have even gone so far as to suggest setting aside an entire room for meditational practices.  I am totally down with this and would absolutely delight in a soothing quiet room filled with gentle music and sounds from a trickling fountain. Recently I was visiting with a friend and lamenting my lack of sanity.  She was educating me on the importance of a daily meditational practice if I wanted to keep my sanity.  She has a spare room set aside for meditation that she uses daily.   It’s painted a beautiful pale blue and filled with statues and paintings and pillows, all conducive to the meditational experience.   And as much as I would enjoy this, I simply don’t have the space to dedicate to this endeavor.   I wonder how my husband would feel upon coming home one day to find his garage floored in lush green carpet, a fountain in one corner with relaxing music playing in the background?   Hmmmm… it could possibly even double as a yoga space. What I have discovered is that I simply cannot make comparisons between myself and others when it comes to spiritual practices.   I don’t have the kind of time that someone who doesn’t have children or whose children are grown has.  And that’s okay.  A mother with an infant doesn’t have the kind of time I do!    I have learned to take advantage of the time I do have.  My children have quiet time everyday.  I don’t care whether they sleep, relax, watch TV or play.  It’s quiet time for me, not them.    That time may be 30 minutes or two hours, so I get down to it right away (this means no cleaning up or doing dishes – save that for when the kids are up!).   I light a candle, burn some incense and play relaxing music to get myself into that centered state quickly.   Beautiful weather permitting (mediocre weather works too) we go outside every day.   While they play I sit in my porch swing and relax, stare at the sky, the birds and breathe deeply.   This is a perfect time to give thanks as it helps keep us centered.  Giving thanks should be a part of every day.  The children need to learn to give thanks too, so they take part in this.   It’s great fun for them to think up things they are grateful for, and they love sharing.     And YES, children can learn to meditate.  Though it may last only minutes, minutes are good for us moms too, so delight in those minutes, and don’t expect too much.   Here is the definition of “Zen” given by Merriam Webster’s online dictionary:    Zen:  enlightenment by direct intuition through meditation.   Over the years I’ve seen many books on “Zen and the Art of ….. “ including “Zen and the art of Motherhood.”   But I’ve come to believe that motherhood is really that natural space, and finding our center is the art form.    Connecting to that intuitive space while meditating is easy.  When we connect to that intuitive space while making macaroni art or digging holes in the dirt with our children, fixing a meal, or folding laundry we know we have achieved mastering the art of Zen.
	© Deanna Joseph 2004
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